Bharati and me

The closest that I have to my mother's lap, is Bharati.

My first introduction to his works began some 13 years ago, when I witness dad going sombre after watching a late night movie. It was unlike him to be sentimental over movies, unlike me, but this was a strange revelation.

It was an award winning biopic on Bharathi. Chinnaswami Subramania Bharati, also known to the world as Bharati, was a poet/activist/artist/journalist/writer (a few more categories he would be considered a renaissance man). 

Years after dad's passing, my subtle love affair with Bharati was rekindled after listening to some his works to music. 

I admired his style of writing. It was like as direct as it can be, yet polished, and not crude. Often, his songs would sooth the tempest that runs through my mind, as how shutting the door on a windy day would. 

I regret the fact that I didn't pay attention to my Tamil classes while in school, but thanks to Dad, with the very little knowledge that I have, I'm able to digest Bharati's words. 

In the end, as simple as it can be, it is the closest that I have, to my mother's lap. 

Manathil Uruthi Vendum - The mind should be firm 

Manathil uruthi vendum - The mind should be firm 
Vaakiniley inimai vendum - There should be sweetness in speech 
Nilaivu nallathu vendum - Let there be good thoughts 
Nerungina porul kaippada vendum - Cherished desires should come to hand 
KaNavu maiyppada vendum - Dreams should come true 
Kaivasamavathu viraivil vendum - Let the goal be attained with ease 
Dhanamum inbamum vendum - wish for wealth and love 
DharaNiyil perumai vendum - wish for respect in this world 

KaN thiranthida vendum - Let the eyes be opened 
Kaariyatthil urudi vendum - Let there be determination in work 
PeN viDutalai vendum - Let women be independent 
Periya kadavul kakka vendum - May a mighty god protect 
MaN payaNura vendum - May the soil be fruitful 
Vaanakamingu tenpada veNdum - Let the heavens be within sight 
Unmai ninRida vendum - May Truth remain.

(translations courtesy of http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=254898&TPN=3)

Here's to a generation of strong women.

My new friend

I've been watching you.

From a relative distance, I've observed your actions, and how you interact with your surroundings.

You're in pain, most likely alone and misunderstood.

I've been watching you.

Closely.

Gently wishing for your ideas and thoughts to be heard.

Silently screaming for your words to make sense.

On bended knees, wanting for it all to end.



I'll offer you something.

My undying, unrequited, unwavering affection.

I can. I will.

All you need is to embrace me.

And thus, I welcome you to my world.



Sincerly,

Hate

The wake up call

Life is no bed of roses.

Like, I've heard that repeated many times, broken records in procrastinating it to the point where a T-Rex would have lost it's tooth the the Fairy and grew another one. 

As a matter of fact, when push comes to shove, its best to shove off the procrastinating, and get on with the programme. 

The only way to grow, is to actually change the mind set altogether. Put it in on spin dry, get the circuits realigned, and anchor it to your dreams. If you want that dream so bad to materialise, then its worth going through that spin. 

Focus. 

Constant improvement through education.

Face those challenges, like a Sir.

undoing years of habit may seem like a gargantuan effort, but its all that it seems to be. The change can take effect within minutes.

I just need to believe in myself more, and get on with the programme. 

Time to revisit the drawing board once again. This time, the goals will be crystal clear. 

Does this feel like you're reading some self improvement guru session, different being almost sounding like hyperventilating on crystal meth?

No. But hey, why not?

Wonderment & Believe

Ever wondered why our lives sometimes seems like its on a bus ride, through the countryside, on a bumpy road that never seems to stop?

Ever wondered what would it be like if you could take a different perspective view of that very same episode, and to be able to just watch the proceedings just as if it's a TV show?

Wonderment.

I ask myself these questions everyday, and it never gave me a straight, direct answer. Always beating the bush, it seems to be an extension of me, of what I have come to being, of what I believe I am.

Believe.

A single word uttered by an mystic, upon showing a reflection on the mirror. I still remember that dream like it's some high quality blue ray movie. And when the same mystic came into the picture, this time in real, it was the most unbelievable moment of that time. Time stopped, I had this awkward reflex motion on my face (a combination of both surprise, delight and horror), and my journey on the rocky road bus had just started.

Thank you for setting my off on that bus ride, Swami. I still experience bumps on the road, but I'm learning to enjoy every moment of it. But, being human, sometimes the bitching and complaints do creep in.

Evolution will see to that. In the mean time, here's to life, karma, love and the experience it puts you through.

Love. Live. Evolve

Dear me

It has been really a tough (an understatement, actually) couple of weeks for you, and I'm writing to you just to say a few things which might just lift your spirits up. None of them are in order of importance over the other, but there has to be some way of putting them all down in a list.

Firstly, I'm glad that you've picked up the courage to come out of your basement and actually expressed yourself to someone. You've seen a connection, felt it, it made sense to you at that time, and you tried to connect with it. That is good. 

Secondly, your music's been improving. You're seeking teachers, and have acknowledged your strengths and weakness. Its a leap start for you, and you have chosen the right teachers. All you need to do now, is to lock down your schedules, and preservere. Keep a target locked in, and in time, you will have your dream of composing music come true. It ain't rocket science, but it also ain't a walk in the park either. 

You have also started to recognise the joys of meditating. Can be quite addictive, right? Spritually high, pun intended.Now, the above just summarises the high points which have been shaping up your journey so far. I don't want to sound like some online horoscope or Tarot reader, but hey, you need in introspection of sorts. My key point here is : Don't be too hard on yourself. 

And here's why.

Dude, to compare our life journey with a generic statement such as "the people in this country are far worse off, so chin up" just simply CANNOT be applied, in any circumstances. You are what you are, and they, their beautiful selves. Rocky roads and choppy seas are what that makes a roadtrip or an open sea adventure all that more amazing. They have loads to teach in abundance, and we all gotta do is immerse in the experience, and have some fun. Sheryl Crow was just amazing when she sang that song. 

You have really this time taken it a step higher, but its coming dangerously close to shutting yoursel down completely. For years you have building emotional fortresses, and like a knight guarding the sanctity of what's inside, you've been warding off waves after waves of opportunities and expriences. I would not want to judge it as bad, but the point being, you've let slip some opportunities which could have lead to different flavours of this adventure called life. 

Whatever that you are holding on to, release it. You know what helps you do it, use them. Meditate on it, and open yourself to being guided through. Your answers will be bang on target, and from that point onwards, just move forward.

Passion is not something to be curbed or surpressed. Remember that, and hardwire this into your head. Its just you, you're a passionate soul. I'm going to be a little, real on this. #$%^ what people say about being centred and detatched. Well, my friend, the way to be back with the Universe has many different forms and flavours. Some choose the rigidness of discipline, some in the books and scrolls of the elders, and some do it by tapping into a subconcious state of mind. Everything suits the way they are, but none of the above is the de-facto way. We are made up the same building blocks, right down to the tiniest, most miniscule particle, neatly arranged and chaotically formed. Like what Appa used to say, the jouney is akin to learning in a conventional school system. Some kids just don't get out of preschool, some earn their masters in their formative teens.

Tap into that passion, and weild them masterfully, like a swordsman. Don't let go of that sword, it becomes an extension of you. Passion, if there's a single word that can sum up what you are, then that it is.

Here comes the clincher. What are you passionate about?

I leave that for you to meditate upon, and contemplate. You already know it, an have taken steps to move into that realm. Your compass is already showing you the direction, all you need now is a map, and the guiding star. Its coming to you, believe me.

Dude (say it in the only way its justified, the Keanu Reeves way),

I am glad you have fallen in love again. Its just too bad its not being reciprocated the same way you have hoped it for, and I think, after all these years of having false alarms (guilty as charged), you have finally allowed yourself to be connected in a way you have never done before. It is intense, and churning your insides out. Just let it flow, and I'm proud of you. Its ballsy to do what you have done, and yes, she's just an amazing woman. She's turned you inside out in such a short space of time, and honestly, this time the feeling is very real.

Here's another fact : It sometimes just you doing all the connection, and not the same over at the other side.

So don't fret, and enjoy the ride. Like what AJ mentioned the other day, its a journey on a bus, with many different stops. You get on the bus, and the seat next to you is empty. Then, at a stop nearby, a girl hops on the same bus, sits next to you, and you sense a connection developing. Her stop comes, and she walks down, and all you have now is the immense joy of getting connected, and the magic it brings. Your stop will come too, and you will also have to get off the bus, and someone will also be reminiscing the connection they shared with you. 

If it is meant to be, it will. I guarantee that. I can also guarantee this, money back guarantee and all, that you have earned the time to dwelve in what seems to be a failure. But at some point, just remember that the seat next to you might not be empty. I never leave it empty for you. 

I sit there, keeping you company. Listening to your stories. 

Make the rest of the day count. Again, don't be too hard on yourself. I break dawn and twilight daily to show you that transitions eke the best out of the road trip. Tap into that, release what needs to be.

And come back. 

I need that smile coming back on your face. 

Live, love, and play.

Your best friend,

You 

Conversation with silence

Hello, silence. 

You've been away for some time. Where did you go? Ah, I see, so you've been following up all this while, and never said a word? 

Of course, what would you say? 

But hey, thanks for stopping over. I'll get us some coffee, oh wait, alright......

(silence)

You seem to be filling up the room these days. Not to mention, my thoughts as well. 

What are you trying to say? What are you trying to tell me? 

An emotional wreck? Me? But you're my best friend! How can you say this to me?

(Silence)

*reaches out for a knife*

You know what, let's just end this. I don't need you anymore.

-
-
-
-
-
-
-
--
-
-
-
-
-
-
---
-
-
-
-
-
-
cuts an apple. chews it, and turns on the telly.

Wishes to the man above

I need some sense of balance in my life.

Music's there for the taking, and it has never been closer to me since the time I started getting immersed in it, but now, a conundrum.

To create, means to learn.
To learn, means to devote.
To devote, means to exhale.
To exhale, means to burn.

Means. That's what is lacking here.

The crazies don't just stop there. Elaborate schemes conducted by some unseen force seems to be having a field day with their sickles, prodding and probing every nook and corner.

Nothing is spared, like a swarm of locusts, circling, devouring.

And I welcome that, with arms wide open.

for it's an energy I want to willingly tap in.

In chaos, I shall find my way.

will You be my anchor, when I get lost? I hope so.