Suit up, kid.

I slumped to the chair after a hard day's work. Turned on the telly, and sat there watching another re-run of some random TV show. All this, done in sync with the meals, cat naps, reading, the occasional man scratches.

Multi tasking. 

Welcome to my world, after work.

Day passed.

Weeks. 

Months. 

Things did not change. Not even for worse, the normal life was begging for some action. 

Some respite. 

And then it happened in a flash. The familiar silence was shattered with the abrupt tone which set apart the text message from the phone calls. The kind of noise which will warrant an instant stare from the 5th grade music teacher.

It's time.

Destiny beckons. 

Time to wear that suit again. 

Time to be the Rootbeer bear again. 

Children. You just have to love them to hate them. 

The untitled song

12.42 pm

I kept looking at the skies today. Cold, breezy afternoon, sun blazing, ably supported by the kind pockets of clouds above, shielding the eyes from the sun's warpath. A perfect afternoon for a day in the park. 

Yet, I kept searching. For a song. 

2.35 pm 

The afternoon siesta came to an abrupt halt. The grass rustled behind me, and in came a grasshopper. It was clearly foraging for dinner, as it was busy digging the grounds, perhaps, for some helpless grub. Unperturbed by my presence, it went away after a couple of minutes, but he startled me alright. Great, now back to sleep.

3.00 pm

The bell rang. It is time.

5.00 pm

Climbed back up again to where I started. It is becoming a chore, and I wish that one day, I will be able to break free of it. I have so many things to do, but at the moment, the smell of freshly brewed tea, and fragrant Jacobs cream crackers to go with it is all that separates the thin line between gloom, and bloom. 

6.00 pm

The cold shower drops are just the perfect tonic for a hot evening. 

7.00 pm

Listened to a reading of the evening news. It’s the same thing every single day. Bombings here, shootings there. In the midst of it all, a surprisingly humane story about a couple running their animal shelter home, out of their own savings, ekes out a smile from the neighbour, Joseph. Golf was in the news again. When are they going to show some highlights from the World Cup hockey game?

8.00 pm

A power nap that is what they call it these days. I used to call it catching 40 winks. I guess everything with the word power, just sells. So yeah, a power nap.

10.00 pm

Finally, woke up to a melody. It’s the sound of silence.

My own breathing. 

For that is all I am capable of. 

Being in coma, it has its perks. 

The world we live in

Something I wrote on Thursday, 3 January 2013 at 11:59, just to interpret thoughts and desires, without thinking. Just letting the pen write, or in this case, the keyboard.

Nothing cerebral, but I leave the analysis to you.

---------------------------------------------------------------

We live in a world that is consistently hedging on to madness

Where driving within the stipulated speeds gets on another's nerves

Smiling to a stranger beckons an ulterior motive

Offering your seat to the elderly in a bus is looked at an attempt to show off

Speaking in your own language is viewed at being too native

Organising the desk signals a retirement or a move

Supporting a football team is akin to choosing sides at war

Holding up a burger and getting your picture taken is deemed heretic

Voting is a waste of time, as it changes nothing

Sex is nothing but temporal ecstasy

Reading equates to being snobbish

Music refines class and place in society

Dressing up in a certain colour ammounts to being identified with a cult

Attending classes after school denotes a lazy teacher in school

Blowing ciggarette smoke directly to a stranger's way is akin to saying Hello

talking on the mobile while driving with one hand on the wheel is an entry to the academy of coolness

Throwing rubbish outside your car window to the street keeps your car clean

Forcing intercourse is aking to a show of power

Getting a gun makes you safer

Dressing up to a party makes you a slut

Not having a mobile phone sends the shivers down your spine

Showing compassion to another living being is akin to being a pussy

Stopping to think about the next step is a dumb move

Preparing for exams is a waste of time

Cutting down forrests marks the mastery over nature

Shoot first, talk later

Death

Death

and more death.

I'm nature

I'm the world

I'm you

I'm me

Between a mirror and the self - Reflections of the year that's about to end

I wrote this having endured the madness that was conjured in the name of the apocalypse. 

2012. 

The world WAS  supposed to have ended. According to some bloke's pasty recollection and interpretations of a legacy left by a long gone civilization, perfectly hyped up by the media, hustling the populace to frenzy along its way. On the surface, it’s been just like another year, only that it seemed to have aged a little faster as our own bio clocks started rushing through. You know what they say, the older you get, everything else slows down except for time. 

As I started the engine this morning, I realised that the year is about to pass on to something even better, well at least, for me, which of course is an absolutely vain/self centred factor-laced thought. I recollected the times in the past; the dawn of a new year would have been greeted with a mixed sense of gloom and doom, always looking back at the year weighing up on chances and experiences that were screwed up, knowingly or unintentionally.

This time, it’s going to be different. Why not look back in reflection of all the good things that has happened, and build on for the future?

This reminds me of a song, written by a chap from Manchester. Noel Gallagher's "Don’t look back in anger" perfectly summed up my thoughts in the morning. I'm sharing just parts of the song here:

Slip inside the eye of your mind 

Don't you know you might find 

A better place to play 

You said that you've never been

But all the things that you've seen 

They slowly fade away 

So I'll start a revolution from my bed 

''cause you said the brains I had went to my head 

Step outside, summertime's in bloom 

Stand up beside the fireplace 

Take that look from off your face 

You ain't ever gonna burn my heart out 

And so, Sally can wait 

She knows it's too late as we're walking on by 

Her soul slides away 

But don't look back in anger 

I heard you say 

 ------

Why not celebrate, cherish and laugh over at the positives? 

Here's to you, 2012. You've been a great teacher, a source of inspiration, and truly a remarkable friend. 

(raise glass; oh come on, even if it’s imaginary!)

And say hello to my little friend.... No wait...Say hello to 2013. 

What would you do if God appeared in front of you? First published on Wednesday, 12 December 2012 at 12:30

I ask myself this question, with the fantasy of a child receiving his birthday gift, almost every other time. Especially when my morning prayers are concerned, no matter the speed of which it is completed in. I get the same answer, always. That’s because the answer is created in my head. I authored the answer, out of my own supposedly robust sense of understanding of how He works. 

Boy was I wrong. 

A couple of weeks back, right after a show, to which I performed to a loving crew and crowd, unexplainably called the organisers and asked if there anything going on. I just took the plunge to be a full time musician. I'm heading there, and a succession of projects would supply me with the mana that I need for the journey.

"Raas Leela practice today, come if you are free, Bullet"

Raas Leela. Something to do with Krishna, best of all, back to groove with my favourite group of people. 

Packed my keys and drove off, and upon reaching the doors to the studio, I'm greeted by a mixed palate of wide smiles, and tired, dreamy eyes.

"Bullet, you're singing!"

I rebuked at the suggestion, initially, but taking into consideration that this would be a chance to explore, I accepted the invite. After all, its Krishna, and how could one refuse such a request. Hence the journey started, I'll be rendering a song for Raas Leela, and the chosen song would then haunt me for the next couple of weeks. All the way till showtime. 

Till the very day Raas Leela was happening, a perpetual roller-coaster, dancing on a turbulent tsunami inside, kept giving me the jitters. Raas Leela was riding on the feel of the subject, and somehow, the song didn't connect enough, especially during rehearsals. I'm more expressive banging drums for a living, but this song was just like a Jedi mind trick gone wrong. With just 2 hours to go, I finally popped the question, and with the help of a friend, I chose to change the song altogether. Krishna's presence was already felt, and how else fitting could it be than to garland him with the very song that I wanted to sing, the song to which I would sing in my fantasy of meeting God?

Showtime. Krishna majestically walked amongst the crowd, standing out like a beacon. As the Raas Leela began to unfold, my heart started pounding with the intensity of a mridangam in full swing mode. Loud, and intimidating. And from there on, when my turn was up, I took a peek, and there he was, standing right in front, beaming a coy smile. 

Krishna Madhava.

And I broke down. All that thoughts of wowing Him with that song, fell, shattered into miniscule fragments, so tiny, they would have been smaller than dust particles. 

And so did I. 

The Raas Leela, began as it was intended to, by His grace, and ended the way it was directed by Him as well. A magical journey in which I got connected to wonderful souls in the same road of self discovery, and being put through the test in His own creative ways. 

If there was something to be learnt, it was to stop thinking. Feel it, and let go. 

Live it. Feel it. and Let go. 

If God appeared again, I don't know, lets just see how it will go from there. 

-fin-

The Stage First published on Saturday, 23 June 2012 at 16:53 ·

As a boy, I used to be in wonderment, everytime my cousin puts on her dancing bells, what was she thinking at that moment of time. Calm and relaxed, but with a tinge of expressionless sense of nervousness. She walks out gracefully, poker faced, ready to face the stage once more. 

The curtains open, lights glazing the floor, every step taken is a masterful stroke. The show begins.

Thunderous applause!

I observe my surroundings, people around me displaying a variety of emotions. Its a supermarket out there, some fully immersed, connected. Some I think are there for the sake of being there, which annoyed the daylights out of me. Some, are are trying to be the impressarios they could only dream of by posing as affectionados. Some are just, well, lost. 

Every step taken, every swirl, twist and pose, the stage seemed to come alive.

I was eight back then.

My ankles are way past their prime now. Parkinsons, my best friend, hands tremble at the mere mention of life.Ii call out for my assistant, for once, she responds on time. 

The soap on the telly must have ended. Now it's my turn to provide the drama. 

I'm all prepared now for my trip to the old hall. Tweed jacket, baseball cap, and my bag. My faithful hand carry, with it's zippers rusty and the handles stiched to it's side over and over again. I signal for Jade to push my wheels. 

Jade seems to be more relaxed today. Must have been a good ending on the soap opera. 

"Get me to the hall. I want to see it before I go."

18 years old. 

The hall is packed with people! Finally, the band's debut performance, the opening act for the town's annual Jazz fair. I feel a tinge of sweat running down my cheeks, hands sweaty as if it's been put through on a treadmill. My heart pumps a full gallon now, I feel like I'm running all over the room.

"Relax man, it's only out towns folks. What could be worst? At least we get to sample the town's tomatoes without buying them!"

Mike seemed like a tough cookie. He was always the macho one, beaming with confidence. The ladies man. The pianist. 

"Alright boys! Showtime!"

Curtains opened, lights beaming, crowd chanting our names!

All I could hear was the keys, and my drums filling the air. 

Music!

Sixty years on, the music had long stopped playing. The town is now an antique, a blast from the past. Jade pushes my wheelchair gently accross the main doorway, and I could see the very same stage that was once graced my the arts.

The putrid smell of water logged carpets and old wood seemed to permeate the air around me, but it was all too lovely to be missed. I signalled to Jade, pointing to the front row, that is where I am going to be.

The stage, ever so beautiful. for a moment, the whiff of old furniture was replaced with the sweet smells of lavender, and the hall was once again filled with people. The chants was once again, loud and clear.

"Introducing.....the Fabulous Lifeboys!"

I looked at Jade, smiled, and closed my eyes for the last time. 

Mike, I'm coming home. Lets play some music together again.

More about myself. 25 notes.

1) Bullet Murugan is NOT my given name. Its a brand I'm developing. My real name is Balamurugan Ambujalinngam Sheshadri Shankaranath Abhimanyu Kuppuswamy Prahalarthar Ramakrishnan Thevar. Just kidding, stick to Bullet Murugan.

2) I am devoted to my music, and to Saraswati. She's not my wife, but my life. Damn this sounds cheesy, but it's actually what I am. What I live for these days. 

3) At standard 1, I was selected to be a model for a class project. 7 years old, parading on the ramp walk, representing the traditional south indian folks wearing a nice dhoti-jippa combo, accompanied by a hot indian gal. Unfortunately, I was seven, and her dad had to re-tie the dhoti for me in front of his daughter. The shame!

4) I still am intrigued by the dogfights that took place over the battle of Brittain. It's an amazing display of courage and everything ballsy. In the end, just like the Mahabharata, the valiant but outnumbered defenders outwitted, out-shot and just kicked the invading forces ass. Nicely done, chaps. Tally Ho!

5)For my youngest sister's 4th birthday, I got for her a talking, 5 inch Robocop action doll, with interchangeable arms and the whole works. I enjoyed playing with it!

6)Despite what I look like now, I'm very partial towards sports. No, golf is not one of them. 

7)At 31, I am now taking the road of self realisation, which can also branch out to self destruction and ultimately, a whoop ass session with everyone who cares for me. But it's gonna be worth the pain. I'll smile later when I hand out the invites for the launcing of Popiah Records.

8)I think, I am a hopeless romantic. Hmmm. Hopeless, maybe.

9)I love smelling good. 

10) Mum's the word!

11) The Universe is somewhat friendlier these days. I'm still learning about Him (yes, its a guy thing over here, mate!) and we sometimes engage into deep, meaningful conversations. No, keep the phone down, I'm not mental.

12)I miss my school days. Good friends, good times.

13)I am actually intrigued by the way numbers work. It's just that I hate remembering the formulaes and rules. Numbers should be free to express themselves, like their cousins, the alphabets. 

14)Give me a tin, and I'll give you music. 

16)Never, ever buy me clothes. Especially if you are visiting New York or Ulu Kinta, and bring me T shirts saying I LOVE ULU KINTA or something like that. I'll buy my own clothes. You can pass me the cash if you want, or get me a book, or a CD, or a musical instrument. A wife would also be good.

17)Cooking, is the next nest thing to making music. Especially when you're doing it for the love of it. The mess, after cooking, is something I don;t really fancy...

18)I'd love to drive a VW Beetle someday. The old one. Power steering is all that is which will be modified. 

20)I used to dream of becoming a fireman once. That was till standard 2, when I wanted to become a scientist. The list grew, till I became fed up with career choices. Nowadays, I just bum around. Kidding. I do have somehting to do. Ask me in rivate if you really want to know more.

21)Cockroaches scare the hell outa me. ESPECIALLY THE FLYING ONES. They die first. 

22)In the order of priorities : God, Family, Music, Friends, everything else. Sometimes, the order realigns itself, much to the dismay of the ones booted out to the next step.

23)I watch movies, alone. Well, most of the times. Will be nice to watch it with a special one, someday.

24)I love dancing. What I dance, no one knows. A video of a kid dancing on youtube to some bollywood song has been going viral over the Net. THAT"S NOT ME. but, then again, there are resemblences....

25)I'm also working on book. No details yet, but its an interesting project.