It has been really a tough (an understatement, actually) couple of weeks for you, and I'm writing to you just to say a few things which might just lift your spirits up. None of them are in order of importance over the other, but there has to be some way of putting them all down in a list.
Firstly, I'm glad that you've picked up the courage to come out of your basement and actually expressed yourself to someone. You've seen a connection, felt it, it made sense to you at that time, and you tried to connect with it. That is good.
Secondly, your music's been improving. You're seeking teachers, and have acknowledged your strengths and weakness. Its a leap start for you, and you have chosen the right teachers. All you need to do now, is to lock down your schedules, and preservere. Keep a target locked in, and in time, you will have your dream of composing music come true. It ain't rocket science, but it also ain't a walk in the park either.
You have also started to recognise the joys of meditating. Can be quite addictive, right? Spritually high, pun intended.Now, the above just summarises the high points which have been shaping up your journey so far. I don't want to sound like some online horoscope or Tarot reader, but hey, you need in introspection of sorts. My key point here is : Don't be too hard on yourself.
And here's why.
Dude, to compare our life journey with a generic statement such as "the people in this country are far worse off, so chin up" just simply CANNOT be applied, in any circumstances. You are what you are, and they, their beautiful selves. Rocky roads and choppy seas are what that makes a roadtrip or an open sea adventure all that more amazing. They have loads to teach in abundance, and we all gotta do is immerse in the experience, and have some fun. Sheryl Crow was just amazing when she sang that song.
You have really this time taken it a step higher, but its coming dangerously close to shutting yoursel down completely. For years you have building emotional fortresses, and like a knight guarding the sanctity of what's inside, you've been warding off waves after waves of opportunities and expriences. I would not want to judge it as bad, but the point being, you've let slip some opportunities which could have lead to different flavours of this adventure called life.
Whatever that you are holding on to, release it. You know what helps you do it, use them. Meditate on it, and open yourself to being guided through. Your answers will be bang on target, and from that point onwards, just move forward.
Passion is not something to be curbed or surpressed. Remember that, and hardwire this into your head. Its just you, you're a passionate soul. I'm going to be a little, real on this. #$%^ what people say about being centred and detatched. Well, my friend, the way to be back with the Universe has many different forms and flavours. Some choose the rigidness of discipline, some in the books and scrolls of the elders, and some do it by tapping into a subconcious state of mind. Everything suits the way they are, but none of the above is the de-facto way. We are made up the same building blocks, right down to the tiniest, most miniscule particle, neatly arranged and chaotically formed. Like what Appa used to say, the jouney is akin to learning in a conventional school system. Some kids just don't get out of preschool, some earn their masters in their formative teens.
Tap into that passion, and weild them masterfully, like a swordsman. Don't let go of that sword, it becomes an extension of you. Passion, if there's a single word that can sum up what you are, then that it is.
Here comes the clincher. What are you passionate about?
I leave that for you to meditate upon, and contemplate. You already know it, an have taken steps to move into that realm. Your compass is already showing you the direction, all you need now is a map, and the guiding star. Its coming to you, believe me.
Dude (say it in the only way its justified, the Keanu Reeves way),
I am glad you have fallen in love again. Its just too bad its not being reciprocated the same way you have hoped it for, and I think, after all these years of having false alarms (guilty as charged), you have finally allowed yourself to be connected in a way you have never done before. It is intense, and churning your insides out. Just let it flow, and I'm proud of you. Its ballsy to do what you have done, and yes, she's just an amazing woman. She's turned you inside out in such a short space of time, and honestly, this time the feeling is very real.
Here's another fact : It sometimes just you doing all the connection, and not the same over at the other side.
So don't fret, and enjoy the ride. Like what AJ mentioned the other day, its a journey on a bus, with many different stops. You get on the bus, and the seat next to you is empty. Then, at a stop nearby, a girl hops on the same bus, sits next to you, and you sense a connection developing. Her stop comes, and she walks down, and all you have now is the immense joy of getting connected, and the magic it brings. Your stop will come too, and you will also have to get off the bus, and someone will also be reminiscing the connection they shared with you.
If it is meant to be, it will. I guarantee that. I can also guarantee this, money back guarantee and all, that you have earned the time to dwelve in what seems to be a failure. But at some point, just remember that the seat next to you might not be empty. I never leave it empty for you.
I sit there, keeping you company. Listening to your stories.
Make the rest of the day count. Again, don't be too hard on yourself. I break dawn and twilight daily to show you that transitions eke the best out of the road trip. Tap into that, release what needs to be.
And come back.
I need that smile coming back on your face.
Live, love, and play.
Your best friend,
You
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